"Well, if the people are in favour..." Sithani leans back in her chair and steeples her hands in front of her.
"So you may or may not know I have a bit of a reputation for wild parties with the other useless rich kids of the city. When the plague started to be a noticeable worry, naturally we partied harder in defiance of death, and I had this absolutely brilliant idea of throwing a party in this old ruined temple outside the city walls. There was this violinist I'd heard of who lived in some obscure street in the slums I was never able to find again, and I'd heard he composed this strange wondrous music of harmonies and discords that didn't admit to any known style yet held an unearthly beauty and vague half-caught sense of meaning... I admit, this isn't just the reports I'd heard of him, because I was able to hire him to play at the revel I'd organised, and the wild screams and howls he was able to coax from his instrument were fantastic; they'd been just what I was looking for my whole life. And I'd also taken this drug that the old priests used to use as an entheogen, so they say, and what with the dancing and the music and the drug I passed out, and in my dream I came to this far-off place, this scarred and cratered plain under writhing constellations with colours and motion I'd never imagined..."
She takes a sip of her wine and regrets it immediately.
"Anyway, that's where I met my patron. I say 'met', I have no idea if it even knew I was there. It's something like a mass of tentacles, or vast raven's wings, or if fire was black, only full of these vacant staring eyes... or at least that's what I could see of it. I don't even know if it was a real place I visited; it could be just a glimpse of my patron's mind. Everything about it was so distinct from the world we know, it felt like the source from which our ideas of holiness or beauty or cruelty are incompetently derived. And when I woke up, my mind felt different to before." <I was able to slip it out of the bounds of my skull,> she demonstrates, "And I had this weird intuitive grasp of the weave of magic - I can see or feel or taste how to pull on its threads to get the effects I want." She shrugs. "After that, everything here just fell into place as inherently arbitrary. I was already cynical about the social order that gave me and my siblings such luxury while half the city lives in places like this; now I knew that there was no inherent order to the cosmos such that we deserve it, and there's nothing save dull habit that keeps it going. Which is why, common decency aside, I'm helping on our shared mission: in a purposeless cosmos that bubbled up from the centre of chaos, what is there worth doing but kindness?"